Recovery Time:how much do you have?

Today, I am talking about "recovery" from big events, even big good events. Do you need recovery from big events?  Big family events?  I do.  This may be because I have an "introvert" streak in me.  Big events with lots of people leave me drained, exhausted.  I love the events, but I need to take time to recharge afterwards.

I have decided that I need to start to purposefully plan "recovery time" into my life. 
Last weekend, I had 35 professional women leaders over to my house for an event. So many people to relate to!  So many high energy people to be "on" for!  I loved it.  People are still posting on social media about it, and sending me emails about how happy the event made them.  And we had beautiful weather.  By the way, I served no alcohol.  I made some fabulous home-made drinks (thanks everyone for the recipes!).
I couldn't have been happier....except that the next day, I had more commitments. I found myself feeling resentful.  I jus…

Anxiety and Alcohol

Day 155 here. I am moving into a new phase of self-examination. I am being mindful about my anxiety. I am thinking about my anxiety, as I go through my day. 

Surprise! I think I drank largely to address my anxiety, my "monkey mind."   The alcohol is gone. How's that anxiety coming along? 

Still there. Morning, noon and night. I am doing some navel gazing about it. Interesting how my anxiety led me to thinking that my son was judging my new marriage (see prior blog) when after heartfelt conversation, I learned otherwise (see my comment to the blog).

Someone I admire once told me: "anxiety is a roadblock between you and mindfulness." Anxiety is a barrier to an ongoing relationship with the divine, with others, with wholeness, with self-love, with peace.

Alcohol is a temporary solution to an ongoing situation.

I've learned from many bloggers, including Mrs. D, that long term sobriety comes with profound introspection. It may be starting for me...

Anxiety is a …

Sober Grief

My Easter weekend was a success in many ways. I did not miss the wine. My aged mother is so old, it seems, that she didn't notice me not drinking. That, or she chose to say nothing. Either way, I wasn't hassled.

In fact, the only "not nice" thing she said was this (about my new house): "I hope you are grateful that I have exercised enormous restraint and said nothing about your home decorating!"

I know, right?

I am grateful, actually!

My pain came from my son.  Funny how you expect the pain to come from one direction (mom), you think the other direction is completely safe (beloved son), and you get blindsided. Life...

On the good side, he and my mom had a lot of quality time together, and that was beautiful to see.

On the not-so-good side, my beloved son made it clear that he does not affirm my new marriage. My son has become a very conservative, religious man. My partner and I had already bought a house together and I thought he would be pleased that we ha…

Triggers and Cravings: Combined!

Ah yes, triggers and cravings. Day 145 here. Out of the blue, I had a craving for white wine. Why? My aged mother is coming to visit for Easter.

The last time I saw her was at my son's college graduation last May, when I was responsible for getting her at the airport, getting her situated at the hotel in one city, moving her to another city, etc., all while orchestrating the events surrounding my dear son's graduation. How did I handle it? With white wine, of course!

I brought eight of those little mini-bottles of white wine, in the back of the car. They followed us into the hotel. I guess I was thinking that those mini-bottles would represent moderation. After all, one bottle is about two glasses; so try to limit yourself to two little bottles, ok?

Without going into details, suffice it to say that I found it much easier to be around my mother while having the white wine.  I am embarrassed to say that half way through the visit (despite my moderation with the little bottles),…

Life on the Wagon: the Quest for Peace

Hello, friends. Last weekend, my husband and I attended a fundraiser ball. The entrance fee included two drink tickets. Guess what? Non-alcoholic drinks don't count! So, my husband could have had four drinks for "free", using my two tickets. Of course, one and a half was enough for him, for the whole night, but that's just him!

There is actually no real problem at these kinds of events, because you saddle right up to the bar and watch the bartenders make your drink! Much better than at a restaurant, where you must trust the bartender to make the drink you want (see my earlier post - Rage: I Drank Alcohol!).

I looked at the options set out before me and picked a sugary drink to start: tonic water with grapefruit juice. "You sure you don't mean seltzer or soda water with grapefruit juice," the bartender asked. Yup, I said. It was delicious. I switched to seltzer and lime later in the evening.

Later, as I surveyed the dance floor, I did think that perhaps …

Rage: I drank alcohol!

Ah well, only hours after my peaceful post about Lent, I found myself fighting rage. Why? Because some other human made a mistake, and I felt vulnerable.

I took my husband out to a fine, upscale Afghan restaurant for his birthday. So far so good. This place is wonderful.

We had a young, white, female waitress. She arrived with a huge wine and bar list. I asked for a mocktail list. She said they didn't have one, but that the bartender was very good at making alcohol free cocktails, such as cosmos and dacquiri's. I said ok, but let him know it would be great if they created a mocktail list. (This is my "campaign" and I ask for it at every restaurant I go to...)

She returned to the table and I asked for a fruity drink with lots of seltzer in a tall glass that I could enjoy all evening. J(ust like what I have at home.)

She brought it to me. The glass was not tall at all, but at least it had ice and didn't look like a martini.

I had three sips. I noticed it tasted med…


Lent is such a beautiful time of year. To me, it involves making extra time for prayer and contemplation, and seeking out new spiritual guidance, and returning to old spiritual friends (like favorite spiritual authors). I enjoy finding the extra peace in each day. I have set up two places in my house for prayer and contemplation. I have developed new meditations to enjoy throughout the day.

God is the life force that flows through my being and gives me my being. Everything I am that is good comes from nurturing, cultivating and paying attention to the source of goodness within me: God. I am good when I remember  that God dwells within each of my fellow humans, and when I look for Him there. Yes, within each of us.

It is so easy to feel as if I can see the imperfections and emotional struggles of others perfectly. At times like this (Lent), I remember that my calling is to see the beauty and the soul of others around me. God dwells in each of us.

God is present in our struggles.  God i…