Sober Grief

My Easter weekend was a success in many ways. I did not miss the wine. My aged mother is so old, it seems, that she didn't notice me not drinking. That, or she chose to say nothing. Either way, I wasn't hassled.

In fact, the only "not nice" thing she said was this (about my new house): "I hope you are grateful that I have exercised enormous restraint and said nothing about your home decorating!"

I know, right?

I am grateful, actually!

My pain came from my son.  Funny how you expect the pain to come from one direction (mom), you think the other direction is completely safe (beloved son), and you get blindsided. Life...

On the good side, he and my mom had a lot of quality time together, and that was beautiful to see.

On the not-so-good side, my beloved son made it clear that he does not affirm my new marriage. My son has become a very conservative, religious man. My partner and I had already bought a house together and I thought he would be pleased that we had tied the knot, but he does not "recognize" it, because it is meaningless in his faith (we are divorced). So there's that.

And he called me and my husband "extremely controlling."  And he ended his visit (he lives a nine hour car ride away) saying "thank you for allowing me to visit you."  And a few more things that I will leave out, but which seemed intended to hurt. This is all very sad and out of character.

Clearly he misses his single mom...and he is adjusting. And he is a self-righteous 23 year old. I was one, once, too.

The breaks that I have had from enduring this pain have come to me in the form of supportive, insightful conversations with my husband. He came home from work early yesterday, to be with me.  Last night, we got into bed early and talked for three hours.

Today, I still feel bad but I am working through it without alcohol, without headaches and hangovers.

I know that the pain will lessen over time. I know that alcohol will not speed the process: alcohol is a speed bump.

This morning I did my yoga. And I am blogging. I will give my son and myself some time; perhaps we will talk this weekend.

This is life. Real life. I am ok.


  1. Oh to be a “wise” 23 year old again. Your new husband sounds like a keeper to me. Good for you for handling everything so well.

  2. I am so sorry. I am glad you have an understanding husband.

    1. Wendy, as always, I appreciate your support. Thank you!

  3. So I had a heart to heart with my son. Turns out, my marriage has triggered for him a feeling of deep loss over the failures of his own father, and his heart feels closed to his "new father." Completely natural. Not a rejection. He self-identified as an awkward, struggling young man. Still my sweetheart. Oh I feel so much better. This is real life. Pain, reconciliation - all sober!

  4. How nice that you worked it out! I bet they he warms up to your husband in time. ; )

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