Showing posts from April, 2018

Anxiety and Alcohol

Day 155 here. I am moving into a new phase of self-examination. I am being mindful about my anxiety. I am thinking about my anxiety, as I go through my day.  Surprise! I think I drank largely to address my anxiety, my "monkey mind."   The alcohol is gone. How's that anxiety coming along?  Still there. Morning, noon and night. I am doing some navel gazing about it. Interesting how my anxiety led me to thinking that my son was judging my new marriage (see prior blog) when after heartfelt conversation, I learned otherwise (see my comment to the blog). Someone I admire once told me: "anxiety is a roadblock between you and mindfulness." Anxiety is a barrier to an ongoing relationship with the divine, with others, with wholeness, with self-love, with peace. Alcohol is a temporary solution to an ongoing situation. I've learned from many bloggers, including Mrs. D, that long term sobriety comes with profound introspection. It may be starting for me... An

Sober Grief

My Easter weekend was a success in many ways. I did not miss the wine. My aged mother is so old, it seems, that she didn't notice me not drinking. That, or she chose to say nothing. Either way, I wasn't hassled. In fact, the only "not nice" thing she said was this (about my new house): "I hope you are grateful that I have exercised enormous restraint and said nothing about your home decorating!" I know, right? I am grateful, actually! My pain came from my son.  Funny how you expect the pain to come from one direction (mom), you think the other direction is completely safe (beloved son), and you get blindsided. Life... On the good side, he and my mom had a lot of quality time together, and that was beautiful to see. On the not-so-good side, my beloved son made it clear that he does not affirm my new marriage. My son has become a very conservative, religious man. My partner and I had already bought a house together and I thought he would be pleased