My New Adventure

Today is Day 88.  I am in my late 50's now. As we age, we have less water in our bodies and alcohol affects us more. Also, I have hot flashes. When I drink more than one glass of wine (and I never understood the point of one glass), my hot flashes get worse. I wake up in the night.

But that's not the real reason why I quit.  I quit because I saw that I was drinking to self-medicate and self-soothe.  I was going through a hard time (moving in with my new SO and all the rough patches that come with that), and I was drinking to escape. It didn't help that my SO keeps cases of wine in the house, so I could easily start drinking before he got home. You know the story....not pretty at all.

I am staying sober for MYSELF. I am staying sober because it is a beautiful wonderful thing! It is the next beautiful step in my life.  Last July, I started a mindful yoga practice every morning.  Stopping drinking is just another step in my journey towards a fuller, more authentic life.

It is a slippery slope, isn't it? Very scary. Alcohol has scared the living daylights out of me.

I am writing because I want to become a part of the community. I want to give and receive support. I am a very positive person: I have done a lot of improbable things -- like run a half marathon in my fifties -- primarily on the power of positive thinking!

I am looking forward to feeling more secure in my sobriety. I am looking forward to connecting with more people through the blogs.

Mere

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sober Grief

My Easter weekend was a success in many ways. I did not miss the wine. My aged mother is so old, it seems, that she didn't notice me not drinking. That, or she chose to say nothing. Either way, I wasn't hassled. In fact, the only "not nice" thing she said was this (about my new house): "I hope you are grateful that I have exercised enormous restraint and said nothing about your home decorating!" I know, right? I am grateful, actually! My pain came from my son.  Funny how you expect the pain to come from one direction (mom), you think the other direction is completely safe (beloved son), and you get blindsided. Life... On the good side, he and my mom had a lot of quality time together, and that was beautiful to see. On the not-so-good side, my beloved son made it clear that he does not affirm my new marriage. My son has become a very conservative, religious man. My partner and I had already bought a house together and I thought he would be pleased...
Read more

Rage: I drank alcohol!

Ah well, only hours after my peaceful post about Lent, I found myself fighting rage. Why? Because some other human made a mistake, and I felt vulnerable. I took my husband out to a fine, upscale Afghan restaurant for his birthday. So far so good. This place is wonderful. We had a young, white, female waitress. She arrived with a huge wine and bar list. I asked for a mocktail list. She said they didn't have one, but that the bartender was very good at making alcohol free cocktails, such as cosmos and dacquiri's. I said ok, but let him know it would be great if they created a mocktail list. (This is my "campaign" and I ask for it at every restaurant I go to...) She returned to the table and I asked for a fruity drink with lots of seltzer in a tall glass that I could enjoy all evening. (Just like what I have at home.) She brought it to me. The glass was not tall at all, but at least it had ice and didn't look like a martini. I had three sips. I noticed it t...
Read more

Anxiety and Alcohol

Day 155 here. I am moving into a new phase of self-examination. I am being mindful about my anxiety. I am thinking about my anxiety, as I go through my day.  Surprise! I think I drank largely to address my anxiety, my "monkey mind."   The alcohol is gone. How's that anxiety coming along?  Still there. Morning, noon and night. I am doing some navel gazing about it. Interesting how my anxiety led me to thinking that my son was judging my new marriage (see prior blog) when after heartfelt conversation, I learned otherwise (see my comment to the blog). Someone I admire once told me: "anxiety is a roadblock between you and mindfulness." Anxiety is a barrier to an ongoing relationship with the divine, with others, with wholeness, with self-love, with peace. Alcohol is a temporary solution to an ongoing situation. I've learned from many bloggers, including Mrs. D, that long term sobriety comes with profound introspection. It may be starting for me... An...
Read more