Honesty

I first drank to numb myself from life's realities when I was in high school. No, I didn't just have a couple of episodes this past year, that made me turn to sobriety. My first blog entry sort of reads that way. No, I am not devoting all this head space to sobriety -- and reaching out for support into the blog sphere -- over a few bad nights.

This is a pattern in my life: feeling anxious, and self-medicating with alcohol.

The fact that I am one of many doesn't mean that I don't have something to give to this community through my voice.

Five years ago, I was going through the first slings and arrows of peri-menopause and I was anxious beyond belief. Every hot flash brought me to a state of sheer panic.  I was in a manic state about it.

I met with my minister and he wisely said: "Anxiety stands as a barrier between you and mindfulness."

Now I am thinking this: Anxiety is a barrier between me and mindfulness. When I self-medicate my anxiety with alcohol, I create an even bigger barrier between myself and mindfulness.

Mindfulness is true peace. Mindfulness is oneness with reality. It is acceptance. It leads to moments like Mrs. D's beautiful dance on New Year's Eve.

What will it lead to for me? I wonder.